Confessions of Draco Malfoy
by The supreme grand master
Summary: Confessions of a Malfoy, oh dear. With a bushyhaired muggleborn, comments from Snape and a doting mother after grandchildren Malfoy is bordering on the verge of insanity. Cool.
1. Chapter 1

Confessions of Draco Malfoy. (With comments from Severely Snappish, aka the Godfather, aka Snape.)

1.09.?

Blooming diary, blooming Granger, blooming Chinese who invented paper, blooming Mum!

Things to do when I arrive at Hogwarts:

Talk to godfather.

Torment house elves.

Intimidate Prof. Flitwick with my recent growth spurt.

Reapply hair gel.

Give ego boosting pep talk to self.

Find Potter, red haired moron and Granger.

Think up new insults for said parasites.

Rehire Grabbe and Goyle. Red haired moron larger growth spurt. Damn!

I must tell you that this is the most boring train ride ever to mar the blemished history of Hogwarts. I can't go and terrorise the Anti-Voldemort-DeathEaters-Umbridge-Me-Snape-minister club because ogre Weasley would steamroller me, literally, large feet.

I hate AVDEUMSM club.

I really need to shorten that. I could switch the letters around, lemme see.

Medusa VM club. Yeah, that'll do. I dunno what that VM stands for though. Inspiration will come, like always does to devilishly handsome men like me and Leonardo Da Vinci.

Things that I am:

Awfully good looking,

a Malfoy,

a pureblood,

enemy to the Medusa VM club (very proud of that)

blonde (even prouder)

Slytheirn,

rich,

spawn of the Devil,

Head Boy,

tormentor of Granger,

better than ogre Weasley,

intimidating,

powerful,

evil.

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Later, welcoming feast.

Yep, old coot finally went and got himself more crazy than a penguin during global warming. Why am I saying this? No particular reason, it's just the fact that he's doing a re-enactment of the Nutcracker, he seems to have claimed the roll of the sugarplum fairy. McGonagall looks quite pissed, I'm not sure if it's because she wanted to be the sugarplum fairy or because Dumbledore just tipped over her pumpkin juice with an exaggerated pirouette.

Ooh, there's Snape!

_Boy, though I am sure that he has been all his life, the Headmaster is sadly not insane_. _The Godfather._

What put you in such a mellow mood?

_I have recently acquired the defence against the dark arts post. I think that it may have something to do with Dumbledore's recent state of health._

It's OK to be happy, you know, show some kind of emotion. Other than hate, I mean.

_Says the Malfoy._

You're avoiding the question.

_So I am, has it ever come to you that you might not like the result? The only emotion that I will ever show is pure and utter loathing. Suits the attire._

Yeah, talking about your attire, the buttons on your waistcoat have been straining lately. Have you been putting on weight or do you have a severe case of constipation?

_I have several layers of protective clothing._

Yeah right.

_Shut up boy and go to meet the new Head Girl. Now._

Oh calamity and catastrophe. _Granger_ is Head Girl. The annoying, perfect, _friendly_ Granger. Strange, she's never friendly to me, not that I mind. At all.

_Stupid, stupid boy._

_------------_

**A/N: Just to get this straight: Italics are Snape. I trust that you will notice the exceptions by yourself. Lots of love from... the Supreme Grand Master**


	2. Chapter 2

1.09.?

Time: 23:30.

Location: Head Boy room.

Occupation: Hiding from Granger.

**Why Granger is after my pure blood.**

I broke up a snogging session between her and Ogre Weasley.

Took 20 points of Gryffindor for: Public displays of affection and severely grossing out the Head boy.

I accidentally sent her infernal cat smashing into the coffee table.

Forbid Granger's friends ever to enter the Head Common room.

Set the passwords to Purebloods rule.

I'm just waiting for godfather to come and rescue me. Sharpish. I sent an emergency message via my wand as soon as Granger started throwing knives.

Hope he gets here before she succeeds in breaking down the door. . .

**Later.**

Godfather is pissed, not drunk, but pissed. He barged in here with half the Order (posing as my rescue team) only to find that the only danger I was in was being castrated. By Granger. Of course he got really worked up about this, you see, because I was only to use the signal thing if I was attacked by my fathers colleagues and/or Voldie.

**My Dictionary:**

Fathers colleagues: Death Eaters.

Granger: Bad news.

Ogre Weasley: _Ronald _Weasley.

Medusa VM club: Granger, Potter and Ogre Weasley.

I: Horribly handsome, rich, smart and charming Draco Malfoy.

Godfather: Severus Snape.

House elves: Lesser beings, also see Granger

Crazy old coot: Dumbledore.

Infernal cat: Crookshanks.

_The Godfather's Dictionary:_

_Boy: Idiot, Draco Malfoy._

_Stupid Girl: Hermione Granger._

_Dumbledore's state of health: Dumbledore's mental problems._

_Malfoy: Idiot race of wizards._

_Defence against the dark arts: Dream job._

You've just contaminated my journal.

_Really? How fascinating. Tell me when it starts foaming._

No, really. You wrote Granger's first name in it.

_Is that so? I do recall you writing it several times in your last one. Something along the lines: I feel a clenching around my hear-_

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

_You will find that impossible since I am not speaking. It is also my duty to tell you that you are paired with Ms Granger for a month long project in how emotions effect or ability to defend our selves._

You paired us together on purpose!

_I know nothing of what you are talking about._

Liar!

_As you wish._

You've been watching that film again, haven't you?

_Maybe._

Oh Lord, the last thing we need is you having romantic feelings.

_I assure you that when I start feeling mushy, you will be the first one to know._

That does not assure.

_---------_

**I'm back! Thank you for the review Zodiac1805. If there is anything one of you would like to include in the next chapter don't hesitate to ask. Yes, I know there is more of you :).**

**The supreme grand master.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Nwfairy: _Don't hurt yourself, floors can be dangerous nowadays. _**

**Zodiac1805: _Thank you. I feel all warm and fuzzy. Eh, maybe that's the cat. . ._**

**Kiabella the Nobody Goddess: _I'm trying. I think inspiration got stuck in a traffic jam._**

02.09.?

Location: Great hall.

Occupation: Writing in journal.

Mood: Dumbfounded and irritated.

I just received a letter from mother. Rather disturbing.

_My darling Draco,_

_Your father is still in Azkaban, poor little dear. I might send him some incense sticks soon that cell can't be too pleasant. I must also admit that the cuisine isn't all that tasteful either. Azkaban just doesn't live up to it's name any more._

_I am terribly lonely at the moment, my Draco. The manor is so large without children running around in it. When are you planning on settling down? Soon you will be far beyond your sell by date and then no woman will look twice at you. _

_Mrs Parkinson has a charming daughter, I do believe that she is in your year, a Slytherin too. What a match! _

_Ms Parkinson is really a rare find. Do you know her? She has lovely blue eyes, is, quite fortunately blonde, her face is small, and adorably pressed together. She is short, we can't have her towering over you, can we? And of course, of a elite pureblood family. I do believe that she is related to your uncle Rupert. _

_Your father has composed a list of characteristics that a Malfoy bride must posses._

_Blonde hair._

_Average height. _

_Limited intelligence._

_Pure blood._

_Manners._

_Money._

_Blue or grey eyes._

_Absence of ambition._

_Lack of free will. _

_Make sure that you find someone soon sweetheart!_

_Mother._

_PS. Your goldfish is looking peaky._

Pansy, charming. HA! Related to my uncle? Inbred! Blonde? Dyed! _Pressed face?_ Look! They're practically threatening me with killing off a goldfish that died when I was eight.

Like I'm going to marry a Malfoy wannabe, that'll just encourage them.

_Boy, you would do well to respect your parents wishes. But don't._

Ample advise.

_In the eyes of the beholder, boy._

Do you read romantic poetry?

_No, why?_

You are very. . . Eloquent.

_Really? What does that have to do with romantic poetry? I might ask you why you think that, surely you do not read it yourself?_

No, mother does though.

_Do not remind me, boy._

Breakfast is soon over, my body guards are still gorging themselves, but I don't need them to go to Charms.

Location: Charms classroom.

Occupation: sobering Charms.

Mood: bored.

I never thought that Charms could be a boring subject. But Sobering Charms? People want to stay drunk, not the other way around.

But classes with just Slytherins are awfully uninteresting. Pansy is trying to catch my attention by giving me winks and flashing large smiles in my direction. _Adorably pressed face_. Ha! Pressed. Pansy? Oh please, save me from mothers delusional fantasies.

Damnit, I forgot the charm.

As soon as the bell rings I'm going to have to hasten away from my ever growing adoring fan club. Last time they almost got me, but godfather rescued me. God forbid that I ever fall into their hands. Then again they might start killing themselves in their eagerness to be Mrs Malfoy.

Obviously they have never met my mother.

I refuse to marry anyone who has any of the characteristics on the list.

I like annoying father. The vein on his forehead gives me never ending amusement. Just as long as I stay away from bathtubs, ponds, ropes, cutlery, swords and ballpoints.

Eh, got to hasten away.

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**A/N: Yes! Another chapter from The supreme grand master. Gimme lotsa reviews.**


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